Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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