My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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