Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
