it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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