atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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