New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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