so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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