so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
