It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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