i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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