i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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