how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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