just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
