The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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