My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
