By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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