Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
