Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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