I heard we made out
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the day after is always just damage control
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
