WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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