Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
