So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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