i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
