she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
