Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(786): View more from Florida

I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

Fav 15 4405 1423
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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(408): View more from California

He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina

Fav 27 1319 9149
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.

Fav 7 2780 893
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.

Fav 6 2769 943
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night

Fav 0 784 644
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality

Fav 3 395 158
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(870): View more from Arkansas

God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.

Fav 0 126 58
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