I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
