So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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