My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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