Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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