Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
