If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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