I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
