I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize