I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
40s are totally the cure
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were trust falling into bushes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
