having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
