yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
