dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
