I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont even know how to be here
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
