life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Shame - the story of my life.
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