Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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