Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
