Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
