It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
