I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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