Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
