and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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