if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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