so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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