hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
