A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
