It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
