No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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