When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
