Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
