Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
