Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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