Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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