i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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