Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
