Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
