He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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