just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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