I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
