omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will pee on everything he values.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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