Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
