You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
