I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
