next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
