You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
