i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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