We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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