I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
