Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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