Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
