she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize