All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
